I commit to paper (virtually) these series of disclosures that will exonerate any wrong intent that might be perceived by you, the reader, about me. That is not to say that your judgement is incorrect or ill-concieved. But more an act of rebellion over cowardice on my part against your (societies) vacuous designs.
Commercial gain and the acquisition of wealth is of course a factor in my decision to return to education. It is a factor for my intended career also, albeit not an overriding one. For this, I am guilty of the highest crime. Becoming a subject of society in order to transcend it. Should it mean that any work I create be lauded in culture despite it being akin to bodily waste then so be it. You can argue that culture also creates the artist, and that I will be the one laughing.
From the high and mighty dreams that I possess for artistic aspiration, there is a thinly veiled attempt to escape the world I lived in. To start a new in fresh pastures. To climb above what money and demons decide is ‘good’ for me. You may consider it Marxist almost in the realisation of myself as a subject.
The importance of academia has become paramount. To me especially. When you look at the people I admire-the people I aspire to be, to emulate and to better-the knowledge of English and that of writing is absolute. I want this knowledge. I feel that I need this knowledge. My syntax is not yet properly formed…
The desire to produce this future culture for you, the reader, was and still is my overwhelming motivation. The fascination that my dream has happened to others, for their success and prosperity, motivates and inspires me to look upon this path with a keen eye. The years of subservience in to the capitalist 21st Century culture has born nought but rage and distain for myself. The towns we all inhabit are, for me, the embodiment of purgatory and I will provide for you (society) the escapism from this that you crave and desire for many years. This includes the realisation of you never even contemplating that I was one of your own. Or that there is more out there than the sign that welcomes you: “Welcome to [insert town name]: Abandon hope all ye who enter here.”
To summarise, I want to get a degree. I want to write for Television, radio or novel. I want to make a difference or impression somehow. I wanted to escape the place where I lived, I was born and where I will not metaphorically die. These were the same feelings I had when I started this journey nearly 18 months ago and this will not change. I can just word it a lot better and a lot more fancifully now.